B, I've been keeping this open for multiple weeks now because I want my words to be right - but I think trying to make them right is that drive for an unreasonable perfection here. This post has run through my head at least once a day since you posted it.
I think, for me, this constant pressure for content also pushes this emphasis on things being smooth and overproduced, like... Everybody wants to be able to sell their shit, which means there's no joy or goofiness to it. I think part of the reason the kids I work with embrace bizarre memes is that they feel like a place that imperfection is allowed. The piece about the handmade Star Trek uniforms sticks with me so much, in that I know so many people who'd think something like that was so cool - but would be embarrassed to be wearing something unprofessional or unpolished, but made with love. It runs along with the phenomena of expecting small time fan creators to be producing professional polished art and writing for free, in my head.
I was talking about it with a long-time irl friend who does fandom very differently than me, and they were talking about how they like that there are more labels, more boxes, more identities known to them now than there were when we were 19-20 and exploring what it meant to be queer or to engage with media through a lens of critical thought and love. But it made me so uncomfortable, and I told them that - I'm glad people have more terminology, but I feel that the pressure to Do It Right, to Find the Right Label, to make the perfect and wholesome art, is sometimes greater because of it.
I don't know that we can go back to what was - but I do think that we can grow our own appreciation for it in the here and now. And I think for me, part of that has to be contributing, even when I'm nervous about not saying it right. But I don't think you're alone in feeling isolated from really digging in with fully fledged attention to the media you're interacting with. And I hope to keep working on rebuilding my ability to do so.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-11-16 08:33 pm (UTC)I think, for me, this constant pressure for content also pushes this emphasis on things being smooth and overproduced, like... Everybody wants to be able to sell their shit, which means there's no joy or goofiness to it. I think part of the reason the kids I work with embrace bizarre memes is that they feel like a place that imperfection is allowed. The piece about the handmade Star Trek uniforms sticks with me so much, in that I know so many people who'd think something like that was so cool - but would be embarrassed to be wearing something unprofessional or unpolished, but made with love. It runs along with the phenomena of expecting small time fan creators to be producing professional polished art and writing for free, in my head.
I was talking about it with a long-time irl friend who does fandom very differently than me, and they were talking about how they like that there are more labels, more boxes, more identities known to them now than there were when we were 19-20 and exploring what it meant to be queer or to engage with media through a lens of critical thought and love. But it made me so uncomfortable, and I told them that - I'm glad people have more terminology, but I feel that the pressure to Do It Right, to Find the Right Label, to make the perfect and wholesome art, is sometimes greater because of it.
I don't know that we can go back to what was - but I do think that we can grow our own appreciation for it in the here and now. And I think for me, part of that has to be contributing, even when I'm nervous about not saying it right. But I don't think you're alone in feeling isolated from really digging in with fully fledged attention to the media you're interacting with. And I hope to keep working on rebuilding my ability to do so.